Top 4 Ways to Show Up for Your Grieving Friend
Watching a loved one be crippled by a loss is in itself a painful experience.
You may want to help, but don’t know how. Maybe you feel like they want space. Or you don’t ask how they’re doing because you don’t want to cause them sadness when they are in a joyful moment with you. Maybe you’re uncomfortable with difficult emotions. Maybe you just literally don’t know what they need because you’ve never been in their position?
Grief is an isolating experience.
Having friends and family who continue to show up in support helps ease the loneliness, and studies show that having an active social support system has a positive impact on wellbeing following a loss.
If you find yourself looking for ways to offer support to a grieving friend or family member, but don’t quite know where to start, then explore below. I’ve put together a list of my top four tips to support a grieving friend or family member.
Ask
“I know you are going through an incredibly difficult time right now. How can I support you?” They may need support and not know how to communicate it. Open up the invitation for them to tell you.
Follow Through
This is the most important part. When they communicate a need to you and you agree to meet that request, you must follow through.
Check in
Whether they communicated a way for support or they didn’t, be sure to continue to periodically check in on them. Check in for at least a year, if not a couple of years. Significant dates arise, there are “firsts” without their loved one, they ebb and flow through the stages of grief, and are always navigating their new reality of life after loss. Get specific. “How are you doing with your grief journey?” Simply asking, “How are you,” the generic response is always going to be “good.” They want to know that everyone hasn’t forgotten about their life-altering experience. So show up for them, and extend an invitation for vulnerability and TLC.
Share
If you knew their loved one, share a memory you have of their loved one. Let them know the things you enjoyed most about them. And whether or not you knew them, you can still honor their loved one by: asking for their loved one’s favorite recipe or a food they used to love. Make it and share it with your friend. If they had a tradition, ask if you can help them carry it on.
Showing up for the people we care about holds immense healing power. Getting vulnerable, generous, and compassionate is always going to brighten this world, and when it brightens the life of someone we deeply care about, so much more life grows from that.
In love and healing,